In the past year and a half, I’ve graduated from college, moved to Boston for JVC, and then moved back home with my parents. Then, I found a job, moved back to St. Louis, started working, and moved into an apartment with two new roommates.
I returned to the city I had left, my family, and many of my friends. No, it wasn’t not college again, but it seemed kind of close. While on the surface my life probably looks like much hasn’t changed—like I’m just fitting right back into a spot that had been vacant for a year—I know differently. As soon as I returned to St. Louis, I knew that things there had changed. I knew my friends and family members had changed.
But I’ve also changed—and I’m still changing. The Megan who returned to the Midwest is not the same Megan who left. Sure, I look almost the same on the surface, but so much about me and my heart is different.
Life is always changing, but my life has been changing on breakneck speed lately.
During this time of Advent, of new beginnings in the Liturgical calendar, I am particularly grateful for the new beginnings in my life. For the quirks of new coworkers. For new weekly routines. For new parishes, neighborhood bars, and restaurants.
Over the past 5 and half years, I’ve called seven places home in three different cities. They always say you can’t go home again, and in some ways, that is the truth. I can’t go back to these places, to the person I was then.
The only consistency I truly have is from God, as I go through these time of transition. I say hello and before I know it, goodbye is at my doorstep. Home is what we create after all.
I guess I’m just grateful for the God who remains with me throughout it all, who understands my fear of change and encourages me to embrace the vulnerability of forming new relationships. I’m grateful for the God who somehow finds a way to inhabit the broken and ugly realities of the world to make sure I stay broken, stay open.
As already mentioned, I started a new job recently, and I am beyond grateful for this opportunity. After all of the stressing and moments where I panicked about being unemployed forever or getting stuck in a cubicle doing things I hated, I can’t imagine a better place for me to be right now. There is definitely still a lot to learn, but I am getting settled in, learning about my coworkers, slowly mastering new tasks, and getting access to lots of great opportunities. I am satisfied, and I am grateful.
I am grateful for the days when I leave a new job, tired and worn out from a day of juggling too many tasks to drive home to my new apartment, and I see a beautiful sunset splashed over the horizon. I smile, and I remember the small beauties of this life, but most importantly, I remember who creates that beauty and gives it meaning during this time of transition.
And I sit in gratitude for the God of transitions, who gives them meaning and who is right by our side.