Monthly Archives: January 2014

on breakdowns.

I had a mini emotional meltdown last night that was set off by an awful trip to the dentist… of all things. But it wasn’t really about the dentist, which in my experience is how most of these things go.

Sometimes… my broken heart has less to do with him and it than with the fact that I feel like I’m being being ripped away from so many other things I love. The breakdown in the park has nothing to do with the bad workout and everything to do with every struggle I’ve ever had with body image. The freak outs over inconsequential things are really a culmination of many larger things. The so-called “cause” is really just the straw that broke the camel’s back.

Because it’s not about the dentist. It’s about growing up. It’s trying so hard to take care of myself and to do well and still feeling like I’m failing. It’s worrying about money and the future and how in the world I’m ever going to make it all work. It’s taking some of the biggest chances and not knowing how they will pan out for me. It’s a lot of career uncertainty and wondering and worrying. In short, it’s about being 24-almost-25 and not knowing how the rest of my life is going to turn out.

And after I get the emotions out of my system, I pick myself up, talk to the people I love, and call it a night. I wake up, make a smoothie, and go to work where I listen to One Direction and the Avett Brothers (it’s a combo that works for me, don’t judge) on Spotify to lift my mood.

And it’s Friday, but more importantly, it’s a new day, and the world is still a little big and scary, but I’m going to make it. I’m going to be just fine. (But I really need to start flossing more.)